Recent Comments

1. about 21 hours ago on Breaking Cat News

   Going on memory only, I don’t believe she added herself to my ‘Orb Contacts’ list.

2. about 22 hours ago on Breaking Cat News

   After more thought, I feel I must address this from you: “And in my experience, don’t put a lot of energy into trying to earn your way back. It just ends up in more self-blame. I think, yes, go to counseling, work on your own issues whatever they may be, but do it for you , for your own life and future.”

   The energy will go into bettering myself, physically, emotionally, and maybe even in my thought patterning. The first I need, regardless, the second and third, I’ve come to realize are also parts of me needing work. And in terms of earning my way back into her friendship circle, the latter two things I just mentioned are what’s needed there. Would I have realized this need without the emotional trauma of the past week? Yes. I’d already begun the process of finding a therapist I can work with. Would I have come to this realization had she and I not connected about 1 year ago? Unlikely.

   She and I have no romantic likelihood—among other things, our age difference is too great, and I’m quite thoroughly not on the market. There are other reasons as well, but for here and now those will suffice. She’s possibly the brightest person I’ve ever known, and we have a strong connection, which will, I’m sure, snap back into place when and if I’ve tamed some impulses of mine. Or, at least, learnt to do a far better job of considering the possible-to-probable effect of the words I’m thinking of. Enough for now.

3. 2 days ago on Breaking Cat News

   Thank you very much. I hope to find my way back to joy, but have little hope of “soon” I’m afraid.

4. 2 days ago on Breaking Cat News

   To all the others who’ve responded with kind words and thoughts: I thank you very much. It helps.

   At least a couple of y’all say such a severing is rarely down to one person; in this instance it’s at least 90% on me. I could list reasons and why she had good reason to cut the connection—see my reply to Sue Ellen for a little bit of a complex picture—but I’ll not go into that sort of detail in public nor with anyone but my GF and whatever therapist(s?) I work with.

   To clarify a bit on my hopes of earning my way back: she and I have a mutual friend and as things move along, the mutual friend will know of my progress.

   Also—I can’t help beating myself up some, simply because I know at least the majority of how I screwed up. There were three of us, and all are heartbroken. We were very close, she and I, and I was also close to the third member of the team, for that is what we came together to be. I’m not as close to #3 as I was, because my hurting M also hurt her. But I know what I needs must do—and not do—so I shall, to the best I can, with the help I need.

5. 2 days ago on Breaking Cat News

   Hi, Suellen! Oh, no semblance of stalking will happen. I sent her a very brief email yesterday, part of which was to say I wouldn’t call, text, or email her again unless she invited me to. I know it was nearly as hard for her to cut the connection as it is for me; I also know that for the sake of her rather fragile mental health she needed to, and unless she can buttress that, or I can learn through therapy to be less dangerous to her mental health—which I’m quite sure she believes I can, and I believe the same—she’s better off without me in her circle of friends, and perhaps I’m better off, though I doubt the latter.

   She is, quite simply, amazing, and I will always hold her in the highest regard, which she knows. Thank you very much for your thoughtful reply, Suellen. I do value it—and you—highly.

6. 2 days ago on Breaking Cat News

   My probably being ‘on the spectrum’ is the big reason I’m seeking therapy. I’ve spoken with one possible (actually, I think she’s likely the one I’ll go with) and have reached out to two others. I shall see. Thank you very much for the good wishes and suggestions.

7. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News

   I may not deserve them, but I humbly ask for them. There’s a young woman of whom I have about the highest opinion I could have. Through, largely, my lack of thinking things through, and partly my inability to grasp social cues (I’m seeking therapy), I’ve caused her enough hurt that she’s had to close me out of her life. Perhaps—I’m hoping—this is not permanent and I can earn my way back.

   I’ve been castigating myself for my idiocy, and I deserve it.

   That said: I hope the power of the Orb could be sent my way, simply to help me out of the emotional black hole I’m in. Thank you to any who send the warmth and light.

   I’ll post this again in the morning, given how late in the day it is now.

8. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News

   OT: Warm Thoughts Requested

9. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News

   Possibly Daisy Jones and The Six. Or maybe one of my current reading batch, say, Jennifer Juniper, by Jenny Boyd, the somewhat less well-known sister of Pattie Boyd. IDK.

10. about 1 month ago on Breaking Cat News

    So I wanted to reply in the ‘eclipse’ thread. In what I wrote, I named a website (first word Space) with the usual punctuation (2nd word ‘com’) and there was a “URLS not allowed in posts” message just below the typing box. So I made it read, “The Space website” with no other changes. Same stupid message. Yesterday, I’m reasonably sure I named the site and it posted. I guess the rule is “once flagged, forever flagged”—which of course translates to “programmer(s) who couldn’t be bothered to do it right”.