Ted Rall for April 28, 2005

Transcript:

Liberal and conservative solutions to problems. Soaring real estate prices put the dream of homeownership out of reach of young Americans. (The liberal solution: Our pilot program will provide affordable housing for 38 inner-city families! Woo-hoo.) (The conservative solution: Fags. Men having godless ape sex with other men. They must be stopped!!!) People can't afford doctors' visits or medications when they get sick. (The liberal solution: Welcome to the 403rd day fo our blue-ribbon investigative committee panel on healthcare in which a motion yielding time to the distinguished representative is still pending.) (The conservative solution: Why don't they allow prayer in the schools? Because teachers hate God.) Globalization is making it harder to find a good job. (The liberal solution: Boycott Walmart also starbucks) (The conservative solution: Yes, we will take our fight to post the ten commandments in courtrooms all the way to the U.S. Supreme court.) Gas prices keep rising to new highs. (The liberal solution: I've proposed a low-income gas tax rebate bill that will never even get voted upon. Why? Because that's the kind of democratic wild man I am.) (The conservative solution: And now they wanna get married!? $%&* cornholing fags!!!)