I hate to break it to you Jeffrey, but old Irv (in “Shoe”, the mechanic) came up with the same thing donkeys-years ago (albeit not for the government — he termed it a “word processor with all the glitches removed”)!
Given that she is in Virginia, easy workarounds — go to Frostburg (MD) or Bruceton Mills (WV), using address of an acquaintance/relative in the respective state.
I see the tiny-square king was smart enough to find a methodical way to use his madness….