I knew I was old the day I installed a grab bar in the shower.
Julia was devastated to discover that the Sears & Roebuck catalog did not show a furnace screen that would match her decor.
My home came with all the “ports” already installed. I just added “voice” to my cable package and plugged in my landline phone.
I wish some of the ladies in the office elevator used non-scents.
I made up a batch of that Bam seasoning once. It went stale before I used even half of it, so I went back to Mrs. Dash.
It’s no longer her “big day”…..it’s her “Special Weekend” (or week, or month, or year…..)
When I die I’m heading straight for the concert – I picture Bowie on vocals, Eddie on guitar, Charlie on drums and Janice and Cass on backing vocals.
My remedy for the last few years has been a large glass of whiskey.
Juan Valdez’s early attempts at harvesting coffee failed because he did not know it was the beans he was supposed to gather.
I would think admitting to being shameless gets you a direct flight to whatever gross island “paradise” they are dropping the contestants on this week.
I knew I was old the day I installed a grab bar in the shower.