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  1. about 15 hours ago on Shoe

    Grandpa was summoned for an audit.The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

    The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’

    ‘I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’

    The auditor thinks for a moment and says, ‘Okay. Go ahead. ‘

    Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

    The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’

    Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

    Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’

    The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

    Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

    ‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’

    The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

    Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

    The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

    But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

    ‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.

    ‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he coul

  2. about 16 hours ago on Shoe

    My local government sent me some free, emergency toilet paper in the mail!

    They called it a “Jury Summons.”

  3. 3 days ago on B.C.

    Every time I hear a politician speak, I have this overwhelming feeling that I’ve heard this bullsh*t before.

    Psychologists call it Déjà poo.

  4. 3 days ago on B.C.

    Politicians and diapers have one thing in common…

    They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

  5. 3 days ago on B.C.

    I can’t believe I got arrested for impersonating a politician…

    I was just sitting around doing nothing.

  6. 3 days ago on B.C.

    Did you hear about the politician who came home late at night after a hard day at work?

    He was Satired’

  7. 3 days ago on B.C.

    Which symptom is shared by all the politicians worldwide?

    Constipation. They are always full of sh*t.

  8. 3 days ago on B.C.

    So I just found out some politicians with bowel problems are unfairly helping other politicians with bowel problems rise to power.

    I guess our government has a problem with crohnyism.

  9. 3 days ago on B.C.

    You’d think politicians have bigger issues to tackle than housework and cleanliness.

    Yet they often call for sweeping reforms.

  10. 3 days ago on B.C.

    The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first…

    If they survive, the vaccine is safe.

    If they don’t, the country is safe.