I’m pretty sure the second one is (specifically) David the Gnome.
Kids cartoon that had a depressing final episode.
Depending on how his system is set up, he could function as a jetski motor.
That’s “Thatababy” – he has his own comic.
Wrap their hand in enough TP so they don’t puncture it, then hope that the mass doesn’t cause a clog.
When their nails are REALLY long, they use a tool designed for arthritic patients and people with dwarfism. Basically a toilet brush.
That would have been MUCH better.
Which one? I actually like the “most wonderful time of the year” one. (Dad is skipping down the aisle while throwing confetti, kids are trudging behind him looking depressed.)
I used to spend a lot of time at the library during the day. Between living on the 4th floor with no AC and not having reliable internet access at home, it was the only good place to go in the summer. The feral teenagers were a major irritant, though. The staff and patrons were always happy when school started up again.
My favorite from that list:
You know you’re a redneck jedi if any of your fellow padawans accidentally decapitated themselves trying to clean out ear wax with their lightsaber.
He’s too bitter and would give major indigestion to anything that even so much as nibbled on him.
All he needs is to not see her face and have protection from the hair-snakes.
A heavy duty burlap sack does both without hindering her ability to breathe.