Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for June 21, 2018

Transcript:

richard's poor almanac - by richard thompson lightning bugs fun facts to share with friends & strangers this month lightning bugs begin to appear in backyards all around our area. their softly-pulsing magical glow mask the fact that lightning bugs are actually vicious, cannablistic, foul-mouthed little racists, with no orals whatsoever. there are many species of lightning bugs, all of which hate each other. and all they think about is sex. why, just listen to the unsavory things that go on in your backyard every night- bug 1: yo! i got it going on. and off. and on- bug 2: any of you fine ladies a photinus pyralis? bug 3: yo! check the wattage on this bulb, ladies! bug 4: whoa, mama! bug 5: hey sweet thang! bug 6: come 'n' get it! bug 7: whoops, i'm a cicada. bug 8: hey, big boy. bug 9: that jerk's been signalling for a left turn for about 15 minutes. bug 10: let's eat him! hey kids! did you know that, besides being morally reprehensible, lightning bugs are also probably radioactive? see if you can catch enough of them to reach critical mass! kid 1: look! i've caught five in my jar! kid 2: i've caught over 16,000 with this shop-vac! kid 3: that thing's gonna blow!