9 Chickweed Lane by Brooke McEldowney for July 04, 2010

Transcript:

Thorax says, "If you are searching for secret import in the thicket of words, I suggest you familiarize yourself with camouflage locutions, now in widespread parlance. You hear them every day." Thorax says, "The simplest of words bear the greatest toxicity. For instance, 'Fun!' when blurted in response to any utterance, means 'Here's a pat on your boring head. Is it too much to pray that you will never move your lips in my presence ever again?'" Thorax says, "'Neat!' when said with enthusiasm, means, 'I wasn't listening to you, which is the only thing that saved you from a sudden, violent assassination.'" Thorax says, "'Super!' is code for, 'You seem to need the extra syllable that neat doesn't supply. I can only console myself with the thought that soon you will die.'" Thorax says, "And 'great!' is the most desperate, meaning, 'Your pointless prattling just sucked all the oxygen out of the room, driving me with foaming mouth to the edge of a legally defense murder spree!'" Man says, "That has to be, without question, the stupidest commentary I have ever heard. ...And I will not part with a cent to pay for it." Thorax says, "Fun! Neat! Super! Great!"