I’ve considered “juke” rather than “jukebox”, but it sounds clunky. Just using “box” would be confusing, I think. I’ve also considered dropping the second “thy” in the line: “Thy voice, the broken jukebox; hair, the rag…” but again the improved scansion comes at the cost of overall euphony. Ultimately, I think the extra syllable (there’s a technical term for that, I believe, but I’ve forgotten it) is the least of all available ills.
I’ve considered “juke” rather than “jukebox”, but it sounds clunky. Just using “box” would be confusing, I think. I’ve also considered dropping the second “thy” in the line: “Thy voice, the broken jukebox; hair, the rag…” but again the improved scansion comes at the cost of overall euphony. Ultimately, I think the extra syllable (there’s a technical term for that, I believe, but I’ve forgotten it) is the least of all available ills.