Matt Bors for February 13, 2008
America's First Black Presidents Thomas Jefferson denied being our "first black president." Thomas Jefferson: This is a SLUR! Negro-ness does not rub off during relations! Bill Clinton, who is white, was our "first black president." Bill Clinton: Post-pigment America has arrived. Time to cut welfare. Obama could be our "first black president." He is half white. Barack Obama: Indian cab drivers think I'm all black. Won't pick me up. It's frustrating. At the current rate of progress, our "first black president" who is black may take office as early as 2227 A.D. Robot: NONSENSE! This election belongs to Honda A.I. bots and bionic squirrels - they had their chance! The time may have come and gone. Some historians think William McKinley was actually our first all-black "first black president." William McKinley: He had wicked vitiligo and they still killed him.
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