Matt Bors for May 06, 2011

Transcript:

CIA's JUNE 1988 EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH KILLED BY NEW EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH ABBOTABAD - Joe Pasidaro, a Navy SEAL who participated in last week's CIA-led mission to shoot Bin Laden in the face, was named their March employee of the month after "successfully killing him in his dumb face," the CIA's bulletin board over by the water cooler announced Monday. Mr. Pasidaro becomes the first employer of the month to win the honor by killing a previous employee of the month, though it is always given for killing people, typically in the face. Mr. Bin Laden won the award for himself in June 1988 for his role in halting the acquisition of Afghanistan by the Soviet Union, a company that supplied villains for American action films until its collapse. After his contract expired, Mr. Bin Laden went on to form his own international killing organization, Al Qaeda, to pursue a "broader range of infidel piglets." Since then, relations with his former employer have soured over accusation of stolen office supplies, back pay, and the murder of three thousand people. His employee of the month certificate, which was recovered during the operation, was put to rest in Stephanie Elliot's paper shredder down the hall in human resources, Kevin said during lunch.