Pooch Cafe by Paul Gilligan for July 05, 2010
July 04, 2010
July 06, 2010
Transcript:
Poncho: I'm starting to think that giant head in the sky isn't a deity after all. Blotch: I think it's our MOM! Poncho: Sigh...you couldn't have mentioned that before I did all that praying? Blotch: It's good to honor thy mother. Poncho: How do you know? We're brand new to this world! For all you know, honoring thy mother could give you cooties! Blotch: Do you have cooties, Porcho? We should tell mom..... Poncho: I don't even know what cooties are!!!
It occurs to me that it would be a kick to make a big-budget Hollywood action thriller about civilization being threatened by a global epidemic of cooties. It could be done as a 1950’s-style monster movie, a 1970’s-style disaster epic, or a modern Jerry Bruckheimer apocalypse blockbuster, but it would have to be done entirely straight-faced.
“Mr. President, we’ve lost contact with London, Paris, and Berlin. CDC projections suggest that 97% of Europe will have cooties within a week.”
“Damn! What about the U.S.?”
“We’ve lost Detroit, Dallas, Seattle, and Baltimore. It’s time we moved you to a secure location.”
“No, my place is here, sharing the risk. But tell the First Lady to have the children packed and ready to relocate.”
“Sir, about the First Lady… I’m afraid I have some…terrible news…”
”NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”