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Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for May 09, 2014
spring vermin a brief guide rat: everyone would love me if my tail was fuzzy. rats as big as cats range - there's one under your chair description - large & rat-like. those damn hoppy bugs that always jump right at you range - your basement. description - too horrifying to behold. little drop-kick sweater dogs range - the end of some old lady's leash. description - some of them wear little matching hats, too. (the dogs.) frogs with extra legs range - all-you-can-eat french restaurants. description - tastes just like mutated chicken. canadian romping sloths free-ranging. description - a nice change from the common inert sloth until a herd of them move through & flatten your azaleas.
why do deer eat azaleas but not rhodies?