Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for August 14, 2015
Man: You think this Rip Haywire is any match for a whole army of Pirates? If he's so good, why am I just hearing of him? Breezy: You never hear about men like him until he's trying your mustache to your shoelaces! Man: Is that him, shooting? He sounds like a frightened chicken. Breezy: No, that's not him. Hear the gunfire stop suddenly? That's Rip Haywire. Man: Pirate goons! Form a human barrier around me immediately!