Ted Rall for July 14, 1999
Transcript:
If it could happen, we're on top of it. We're hypothetical crisis response team. Matt "Daddy Longlegs" Davies convenenes a special meeting of the HCRT to address a grave threat. (Man 1: Daddy long legs! They could mutate to fantastic size and then trample and/ or eat us all!) (Man 2: Jesus! Davies is right! Those fiendish spiders could doom humanity!) (Man 3: Wait- they're order opiliones, not arachnids! Any response must consider that bizarre fact.) Arguments ensue, but ultimately the team arrives at a consensus. (Man 4: So it's agreed- we'll tell the president to organize special boy scout troops to find and squish daddy longlegs before the bastards have a chance to mutate. Excellent work, guys!) Soon it's to the next hypothetical crisis... (Man: Flappers! Women's fashions from the 1920s could come back!) Coming up soon: The worst theoretical threat of all! (Man 2: Congress could cut our budget.) (Man 3: What?! Let's declare martial law.) (Man 4: Ungrateful scum!)