Ted Rall for August 02, 1999

Transcript:

We're developing the spectator sports of tomorrow today! We're the sports research institute. The morning meeting: Time to hear from sports R&D! (Man: My roomate and I smoked up so much herb that we came up with the game of the next century! We call it "bait-n-switch" each team has 36 players, which will make the unions happy. The field is in the shape of a rhombus in the spring and an isosceles triangle in the fall. A burro is set loose on the field- we got this from the French- and everybody rushes the animal. Whoever sweats the most wins!) (Man 2: It'll never fly in Ohio. Where's the merchandising? You can't get stadium space or corporate sponsors!) (Woman: This game, imported from Bolivia by way of Indonesia, is one-on-one variation on tennis, but you can't touch the ground with more than one foot at a time.) (Man 3: Check it out: We pump a bunch of fat morons full of steroids and let them run into each other for 5 seconds. Then they walk around for a minute and do it again.) (Man 1: Millions of people will want to watch that!) (Woman: My kids will play that too- otherwise they're queer!)