Ted Rall for September 05, 2002
Transcript:
Not every country needs a "regime change"... That's why generalissimo el busho is proud to unveil George's regime adjustment subtlety guaranteed! We got the idea during the last year, when we were adjusting the constitution. Now that we've streamlined the U.S. by editing out the bill of rights, why not make minor changes to other countries? Operation enduring linguistics is Belgium ethnically French or Flemish? It's time to end the confusion by introducing one national language: Belgian! Failure to use Belgian will result in death. Chat = Mais, Belgian. Pain = is just English! Fromage = cheese. Operation caffeine freedom. 1.3 billion people live under the hegemony of the evil tea monopoly. Screw those surface-to-air missiles - we're dropping moca java to the cheese! Tastes terrible, but I feel more intelligent and productive! Operation logical contiguousness. Many countries have territories that aren't attached. That's stupid! The UN will mandate land trades to keep nations in one piece. (sorry, Indonesia.) Canada gets Alaska. We get British Columbia and southern Alberta. And we have to tow Hawaii to the coast of California. Win some. Lose some. Operation cabinet overlord sometimes a minor tweak in a nation's leadership is all it takes to make life better - interesting, too! Meet your new minister of defense: Yassir Arafat!