Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for March 22, 2003

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Did You Know? This week -- The OSCARS! Some view artistic endeavors like ACTING and FILMMAKING to be incompatible with competition. SOME ARE WRONG! The ACADEMY AWARDS are the GOLDEN GLOBES of the movie industry, deciding with definitive objectivity, which artists are RED HOT, and which AIN'T DOODLEY-SQUAT! BET THEY FEEL PRETTY BAD NOW! The Academy never even nominated Princess Di for an Oscar! SPUNKY GAL! Just to prove she can play with the "big boys", actress Nicole Kidman tried to compete in the more difficult "best actor" category, but the Academy denied her bid! Step up to the ladies' tee, hon! The Inuit language has 57 words for "Academy Awards"! Inuit: Oscars, Academies, Oscarinos... The fact that every year TECHNICIANS win more Oscars than do ACTORS is proof that we live in a GODLESS UNIVERSE! OOPS! Can Oscar err? You bet! DNA analysis now shows that RICHARD BURTON was in fact the best actor in 1964, not REX HARRISON! If the computer-generated Gollum of "Lord of the Rings" didn't qualify for best supporting actor... ...how does the Academy justify Barney Rubble's 1966 win for "The Man Called Flintstone"? Amazing Science Theoretical Physicists assert there is an ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE in which Adam Sandler was nominated for "Punch Drunk Love".