Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for June 21, 2013

Transcript:

did you know? this week -- new york city "the big apple"! "the city that never sleeps"! "gotham"! "the center of the universe"! "the only place that matters"! "better than where you're from, which sucks"! whatever nickname you prefer to call it by, the city of new york is the world's largest exporter of fun facts about tiself! fuggedaboudit! if one ignores certain facts and figures, new york is the biggest city in the world! the island of manhattan is not real! it is the elaborate imaginary construction of famed comedian-turned-filmmaker woody allen! bellevue is an entire psychiatric hospital for new yorkers driven insane by the existence of bagel bites, an affront to both of nyc's sacred totemic foods, pizza and bagels! new york's storied "korean delis" neither serve korean food, not are they delicatessens! good luck deli they are the holy roman empire! new yorkers will not see movies! the internship! instead, they hire gay people to write songs about them and perform them live in theaters on broadway street! some of our less fabulous, more ethnic celebrities live in new york! new york city is so great, there is a song, a city in england, and even a whole u.s. state named after it! the city is divided into two zones, or "boroughs": chinatown, for chinese people, and regulartown, for regular people. nyc's eccentric mayer is currently in prison after a cell-phone video revealed him drinking an extra-large soda!