Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for September 19, 2014

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug's Super-Fun-Pak Comix Edited by Ruben Bolling Phil Collins Man: I have proof that you're a dimension-shifting immortal with near omnipotent powers! Phil Collins: What was that? BZZT Man: I said: I have proof that you're a Grammy-winning prog-rock drummer turned pop balladeer! Doug, The Cartoon Character Who Refuses To Say Or Do Anything You know, right now, you ARE doing something. You're STANDING. Percival Dunwoody, Idiot Time Traveler From 1909 Percival: You, there! Quick - what year is it? Man: Wh...? 2014! Man: Are you a time-traveler from another era? Percival: Yes, but I'm an idiot. Now, quick - what is a doorknob? Shplourks Regular: I'm Regular Shplourk! Sleepy: I'm Sleepy Shplourk! Grumpy: I'm Grumpy Shplourk! Girl: I'm Girl Shplourk! Feminist: I'm Feminist Shplourk, who thinks it's crazy that being FEMALE is considered a QUIRKY TRAIT. Regular: Ha! You're Shplourky! Not-Conscious Gilbert Woman: So, Gilbert, you aren't conscious? Gilbert: I'm not. I can respond rationally... Gilbert: ...but I'm not conscious of my responding, or of anything I do! Woman: Wow! Doesn't that bother you? Gilbert: Yes! But I'm not aware of that. ADVERTISEMENT Hey, Kids! buy these keen METAPHORS for adolescence and your lost innocence! Generalized aggression against authority figures $1.00 Alarm at the appearance of secondary sexual characteristics $0.75 Seeing through the artifice of adult world $1.50 Repressed sexuality $2.25 Don't ask $0.75 SEND TO METAPHORS-4-SALE, INC. P.O. Box 562A, Bellmore, NY Cash only, please! Metaphorical currency not accepted. Name Address Order Do not get your parents' permission