Matt Bors for September 17, 2008

Transcript:

Scientists are beginning work on a massive oil particle pipeline in Alaska that may finally detect the elusive "GOD PARTICLE." Sarah Palin will ask her cult followers to PRAY for the completion of the pipeline. Scientist: Then we watch for the Lord's handiwork. Sarah Palin: We're tight. The God Particle is theorized to play a role in touchdown passes, Grammy nominations and launching just wars. Behaves as both a wave and a belligerent maniac. Soon, t hey could unlock the mysterious quantum force holding McCain up in the polls. Scientist: It could be we are just that dumb. John McCain: LIPSTICK! @?#! CHANGE!