Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 01, 2003

Transcript:

"Editor's Note: Stephan Pastis is on vacation this week. Filling in for him is his next-door neighbor, John." "This is my neighbor, Stephan. I HATE him." "Everytime he sees me, he feels compelled to tell me about a comic strip he draws...Like I give a ---[scratched out] (Can't say that!)" "Him: Blah Blah Blah Blah. His pig. Me." "'Picked up another paper this week,' he says to me last Tuesday, like I know what that means. I want to say 'Shut your fat mouth,' but instead I juss says 'Oh.'" "(I'm mad!)" "So yesterday, he comes over to my house and hands me something. 'What's this?' I says. That's one of my original strips,' he says, like he's handing me he holy @#$%& GRAIL. 'It's for you,' he says." "I'm thinking I'm gonna rip this thing up and throw the pieces on his ####ING lawn, but I don't. Instead I juss says 'thanks.'" "(My dog Andy.)" "Thanks." "So today I'm having a garage sale and up walks you know who and says, 'Just wanted to make sure you're not selling that valuable original I gave you.' Then he chuckles." "Ha Ha Ha." "Of course, he doesn't buy a thing, but as he's leaving, he says, 'You might get a few more visitors if you had a bigger sign.'" "Garage Sale." "Blah Blah Blah." "I want to yell, 'Maybe if you drew your comic strips on LARGER PAPER, I'd have more room on the BACK for my sign,' but instead I juss says 'Bye now.'"