Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for August 21, 2012

Sweet. Interesting juxtaposition of jellyfish with no brain and Texas, the no-bull state known for out-lying nearby Oklahoma as well as many other states and citizens of the Union. And of course to think that ‘blue’ could ever represent Texas on the map due to the uncanny prevalence and effect of brainless jellyfish which have over almost eons swept ashore with the tide, become light as foam and distintegrated into millions of tiny, airborn spores which fly on the breezes and have continually fastened on the heads, grown into the adult stage, and eaten the brains of the humanoids inhabiting thereof, thereby actually replacing most of the once-humane and welcoming Texas open-heartedness and mannerly humane functions with many simple, on-off automatic brainless motor, mental, especially verbal phases and behaviors…or so it would appear, as reported to me by several native Americans of good patriotic character and a couple of well-educated and American-favorable foreigners…all considered good judges of mankind by many…one wonders at the horrible fate of such poor, unhuman but still quiveringhuman-shaped creatures who have been at the mercy of these aireborn evansecent brain-eating jellyfish in further states, such as Arizona…which evidently suffers from the bain-brain-eating and substitute-process of the most virulent and strongest of the brain-eaters, the ones having been strong, virulent and dominant enough to cross the great expanse into Arizona, and thus the many primitive subhumanalities of behavior now exhibited by the jelly-fish-eaten brain-altered once-human citizens of Arizona. Pity, but there’s nothing to do. Like a drowningperson, it would be foolish to go in too quickly, they would strike out and climb on you in their desperation and their dumb, hysteric panic…instead of intervening now, we must wait until they go down for the third time, until they have exhausted their madness, and then we throw them a rope to sensibility and life again, if they merit it. If they really do foam at the mouth, then there really is only one humane intervention possible…they must be given release, blessed release from their earthly pains and thus deliver them from the curse of evil thoughts toward their fellow humans, Americans all. At that point they have, actually, become fetid zombies mostly, and there is only one thing to be done with them. Everybody undertsands that.