Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for April 07, 2016

Transcript:

Richard's Poor Almanack By Richard Thompson Jerry Blossom Fun Facts The Tidal Base and cherry trees will be at peak Blossom this week. Here are some things you should know before you consider approaching them. Won't you try some bark? Cherry tree bark, if chewed for six hours, becomes a gummy, revolting wad that's of no earthly use whatsoever. In ancient cultures, the bark would be offered to victims as a mean prank, thus inventing April Fools. It takes 300,000 blossoms to make 1 gallon of blossahol, and eco-friendly fuel. The exhaust and produces when used in internal combustion engine is an embarrassing shade of pink. Ha! What sissy exhaust! The roots of a cherry tree may extend for thousands of feet in all directions, often protruding from the ground to trip unwary tourists miles away. This is a cherry tree's only defense. And- These trees have no cherries, so you can't make a pie! What? Try the bark instead. Ok! 6 hours later- Ew!