Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for January 17, 2020
January 16, 2020
January 18, 2020
Transcript:
alternacensus for those who find the quadrennial census unfulfilling, the census bureau has devised the following more creative forms. the novelization form woman: i've established the protagonist, person 1, as a 34-year-old unmarried black, african am. or negro female who commutes 23 minutes by subway or elevated to her job as a systems analyst, and now i'm blocking. the video form cameraman: we'll do a montage of our complete plumbing facilities and lay in some bernard herrmann cues on the soundtrack to heighten the tension. oop: abso-fab-u-mongous. the graphic novelization form cartoonist: i've introduced agents of the census bureau as minions of zorgon, the evil alien hive-mind from uranus. hey! in your face, census bureau! the craft project form lady: i've made a family memory book with favorite photos, letters, pressed flowers, baby hair trimmings, dental records, tissues samples, gene sequences and my recipe for apricot pancakes! the poetry form poet: icelebrate myself & sing myself; i also celebrate & sing the seven other people living or staying in this house, apartment or mobile home on april 1, 2000. the homage to "stomp" form wham wham bang bang smash oop: oops. please keep all interpretive dances to 38 minutes.
If this doesn’t create the best incentive to become a census worker, I’ll eat your hat! Or, your apricot pancakes.