Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal by Zach Weinersmith for November 06, 2014
A common problem for scientists was that rats are human. We cured cancer in rats! Again? Many horrible human elements were completely eradicable in rats. We can make a rats immortal! Sure. Which way? But rats were still the best animal model so, we pressed on. We can make hyper-intelligent rat breeds. Yeah but I bet there's a trade-off in muscle strength. Nope! Over time it became harder and harder to get research money, and funding agencies wanted more and more specific programs. What's your experiment? We're trying to create more humanoid rats for better testing. By the time we realized what was happening, it was too late. Rats now control the NIH! How? Telepathy. This account was written from my cage. I don't know how many of us are left. But I do have hope. The wheel may turn again. Damnit. We can't test the humans for telepathic degradation because they are telepathic. Maybe we could make a new breed.