Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal by Zach Weinersmith for February 25, 2016
Apology cards sorted by discipline physics: if the universe is deterministic it's not my fault. If the universe has random outcomes, I couldn't have predicted that my behavior would upset you. Chemistry: given that my mistake was only 1ppm of the time and our relationship, I think it can safely be ignored. Biology: listen, if you wanted perfection, you shouldn't have dated someone with 3.9 billion years of evolutionary history. Psychology: according to a survey of twenty white college students, you shouldn't still be mad at me. Therefore, it is fact. Economics: reality always achieves instant equilibrium. So, you're not even mad anymore. Philosophy: I'm going to need you to prove emotion is a meaningful category before I believe you are upset.
Religion: I was right, you were wrong. You’re the one who needs to apologize.