Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for March 02, 2012

Transcript:

news of the times mitt romney admits: "i am a corporation" after the discovery of certain massachusetts state filings, presidential hopeful mitt romney was forced into a startling admission: mitt: corporations are people, my friends! and i should know; i'm a corporate american! reporter: so you are fictional person, a legal entity devised by corporate registration? mitt: yes, no one noticed, but things pass right through me. i'm totally insubstantial. experts agree this explains his impossibly perfect corporate appearance. mitt: ...and my shifting positions! my shareholders voted in a new board of directors four years ago. it also explains his utter inability to relate to actual humans. mitt: ha-ha! i, too, like burritos to ingest! ha-ha! i'm laughing with you. i'd like to fire you. the c.e.o. of willard mitt romney, inc.: ceo: look, a corporation running for president was inevitable. it cuts out the middleman. romney, inc. pressed on in its campaign. mitt: this country needs fewer regulations! they harm corporations merely to benefit humans! wait, not humans! i meant washington insiders! i like humans! president obama was quick to triangulate, going after the pro-corporate vote. obama: i'll cut the corporate tax rate even further! and i'm considering merging myself with goldman sachs.