Free Range by Bill Whitehead for March 10, 2020

Library cards expire?

He was just on his way to the dead-letter office to pick-up his mail…

And his car battery is dead.

I think that patrolman is about to expire . . .

I can envisage a cop that is about to expire.

… your AAA card, your PBS discount card, your wildlife fund member card, your NRA membership, …

“What are you saying? That everything I touch expires? That I have commitment issues?” {sobs}

“Aww, sounds like you need a hug.”

“Would you?” {stage winking at the camera}

Death on arrival.

Technically he’s expired too.

Well, officer, I’ve been away on a drop dead business trip…..it was to die for…..

He’s an amateur compared to this guy.

https://www.cleveland.com/nation/2020/03/driver-with-1997-license-plates-tells-louisiana-police-hes-been-busy.html

So write him a ticket to a revival meeting.

which reminds me

Good luck collectin’ those fines.

Hey wait a minute – you’re famous, aren’t you? Weren’t you in “A Christmas Carol?” Give me your autograph and we’ll forget all about those tickets!

He’s just stopped to pick up his girlfriend, Fatal Morgana, for an expiration date.

It’s a Mister DEATH from the village, dear. Something about doing our reaping? :>)

but he’s got a killer ride…

Things are looking pretty grim.