Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for March 20, 2016

Transcript:

Spring comes to Washington March 20- Spring came to the area today, arriving in a heavily armored limousine amid tight security. According to a park police spokes man, they had received several threats to spring's safety, most from people disgruntled by winter, who had failed to deliver on promises to snow. The nature of the threats was not disclosed. Speaking to the press, spring described her goals for the new season, using only the most generalized terms, now blooms each thing, she said, and maids dance and a ring. Cold doth not staying, the pretty birds to sing: cuckoo jug jug pu-we to witta woo. When pressed for specifics, spring was only slightly more forthcoming. Questioned about the timing of the cherry blossoms, and annual concern here, spring replied, I sing of Brooks, of blossoms, birds and bowers, of April, May, of June and July flowers. Spring became irritated when asked about her vivid outfit, a flowing low-cut gown that barely contained her fertile figure. Martha Stewart was right about you people, she snapped as aides hustled her away. Watch it or I'll put 3 of water in your basement!