Rudy Park by Darrin Bell and Theron Heir for December 20, 2004

Transcript:

Last week the sun was blotted out by a huge SUV owned by heartthrob Ashton Kutcher. He was driving dozens of Hollywood pals to Canada, where they planned to move for good. "But why, Mr. Kutcher?" "Mort, we can no longer abide America's politics." "This country is exporting death and commercialism and exploiting less fortunate individuals and nations! Where, I ask, are our value?" "Maybe you ran them over with the SUV!" "Your bullborn is causing noise pollution."